Two more weeks until I start classes.
I am scared. I am excited. I don’t know what to do with myself.
I wish this process still felt like it belonged to me. I have done my best to keep my excitement contained on my social media – I don’t want to be annoying (hello, over-posters about their weddings and babies, etc). However, I feel like people are taking it away from me – telling me about how interested they are in my program, or how they plan on applying, or picking my brain for information about how I “got in.”
The magic is filtering away from this event, leaving me anxious and unsure about myself and my abilities. Luckily, I have great friends who are happy for me and keep me boosted up about this great new journey of mine. It’s hard to stay grounded, when everything is moving so quickly. My close friends assure me that this program was designed with me in mind – and that my mind is strong, creative, and smart. I wowed the admissions staff by being on top of everything and not really needing them to guide me through. I am so dedicated to my success. I want this more than anything (except maybe having Rich in the same time zone, or more money to spend on seeing him).
I have so much to learn and I can’t wait to get started. I am looking through my textbooks and thinking up thesis ideas. I have the next 22 months planned out with classes and research and meetings. I want to get the most out of graduate school. I’ve been wanting to go back to school for so long; I’m not going to let anything stop me from focusing on it completely. I want it to be what my undergraduate career never was – all about me, being the best.
I will succeed.
And then, in the spring of 2016, nothing will be able to stop me. Not the nay-sayers or the people who discourage me in their minds or even myself. And definitely not the 500 miles keeping Rich and I apart.
Why is it so hard to be happy for other people without needing to stick your nose into it? Why does everyone always have to feel important as well? Why can’t people just be genuinely happy for each other?
I won’t apologize for chasing my dreams. Chase your own; make changes in your life. Don’t resent me for doing things you wish you could. I want you to do them too.
There is no one holding my hand. Everything that happens to me, I make happen and achieve on my own. That’s the real world. You struggle and cry and in a few months, things work out.